FUCKING REPULSIVE

I just binged and FUCK I ACTUALLY HATE MYSELF FOR IT.  I made myself sick afterwards, and passed out, oh the fucking joy. I just want to cry. Right, that is it. I'm going to do a fast, i'm fucking disgusting.  7 days, no food. I swear, i need to do this. I want to cry my eyes out so bad, if i eat, i'm gonna cut my arm, every single time. That's an insentive not to, or maybe it's the opposite? I'm not exactly sure. I know people will read this and think attention seeking bitch, but to be quite honest, do it, i just feel so rubbish i have to vent this, i want to cry and scream and lock myself away.
I'm on the phone to my *****  she used to find me attractive, and call me beautiful, and now it's stopped and i don't like it. I hate being that repulsive girl who people look through asif she has no feelings. Starting tomorrow THAT. IS. IT. no food. I will definately distract myself, im not sure how, but i will. I'm out of control.