13Th november

Well, my dad got a restraining order, but we started seeing one another again, my sister, living with him im not allowed to see, she's 4, i had a dream i could cuddle her it felt so real and today i sent them a card saying sorry for everything. After that i just spent the day bingeing  i feel like such a fat f***ing pig. Ugh i am so disappointed in myself, it is unreal, i have had 700 calories, and ugh, i just ugh, i'm so ridiculously angry at  myself.

On PT the girls are all so gorgeous, i just wish i had as much willpower as you guys, but together i hope we can do it! - I really do want to do this, but it feels so difficult, i look in the mirror and feel pure disgust, i can lose twenty pounds, but the girl in the mirror never changes.
I have my friend over still, she really doesn't agree with  anything like PT and i just wish she could understand me.
I'm due to have chicken breast for tea, but i'm going to aim to eat half the food and throw half away, then of course purge, i wish i could get out of it but i just can't. - I'm due to be making lasagne for tea tomorrow, talk about calorie fucking fest, no thanks, i WILL get out of it, i'm not sure how, but i will. I will claim to have recurring tonsilitis again, yes.
I must post my challenge scores, pretty piss poor i must admit, anyhow, my friend must be getting bored so i'm out.