Bleh.

I could bore you with the shit that's gone down today, but i don't see why anyone would particularly care. I feel like absolute shit, i can't remember feeling this bad, i want to die.
I want to crawl into a ball ry, slit my wrists and die.
Peace out.

Wow.

Christmas wasn't tooo bad. Got lots of nice clothes, but i keep breaking down and crying, i wish i looked perfect. No matter what i wear i always look fucking dusgusting. Today it's 4pm and i have had 0 cals. But for tea gah, don't get me started. :( FOUND LOW CAL NOODLES. aldini.

Oh and i found a new favourite photo. It makes me smile so so much.
Hope you all had a good christmas my lovelies.

here it is merry christmas.

Okay, well i've never met my grandparents. So i asked my dad if i could and uncle, they ignored me, So i posted a xmas card to my great grans house, fingers crossed.
Nervous about tomorrow.
Shitting myself.
Went to christmas carols, what actual jokes, this girl who's been vile to me, mom shouted bitch vile and bully at. And nan shoved her into a wall. Ha fucking ha.

hMMPH.

I am a fat skank. I have eaten so much it's unreal.
Fallen out with my best friend.
Feel so angry, just want to cry.
Some fucking :@ i'ma just stop.
Got phone calls of abuse today.
Mom suggested i start weight watchers.
Self harmed again.
Promised i wouldn't.
Purged.
Feel shit.
Bye.

SNOW

There is snow, snow makes everything better!!
Going to meet nanny and make sausage rolls. peace out.

Sorry i haven't posted.

Wow. Yesterday was eventful.
3 things in one day.

Thing one

Dr Al, i had the psyciatrist first. That went really bad, there was this creepy guy sat in the corner with this hench afro beard staring at me. I sat rowing with mom. And him for that matter, over the fact they think i have Personality Disorder. They want me to have therapy, i said no and walked out. :/
I burst out crying after, agreed to do therapy ALONE and mom went back and explained.


Thing two

Home tutoring, debbie came, did a science mock, think i did alright, not too bad. OMG I FORGOT. I got a college acceptance xD.


Thing three
It snowed. -_- NO. I had a meeting at school ( the one i've left) and it went a bit shit. I told them they were never there for me and that overall it was just plain unfair. I got had a go at a bit but bleh. Laura W has been being a complete fucking whore to me. Mom saw her. Like 1 metre away, went FREAK and then started evil laughing staring at her. Laura was by herself. What actual jokes. Love my mom.

I'm sleeping at alice's house tonight, her fogies are out.
Me her, Alistair Luke. Hmmm interesting. Hope her brother isn't a cunt.
We're making pizzae for tea apparently. So i'm going to save my calories up today.
What shall i wear today?!?! Ahh, not sure. Black skirt, white top anddd black cardi? Yes i'm thinking so. I'm gonna burn 100 cals first thing, have a bath, do my hair and m- up. Do my nails and baamm. Oh shit! Better pack my bag too :').
Uhm. Still on my anti depressants, think they are slightly working in some areas. Peace out suckers.

F*ckedUpAppendix: I am going to stop making myself sick

F*ckedUpAppendix: I am going to stop making myself sick: "Yes, you read correctly. I don't know how. I am so scared. So fucking scared. So fucking scared. So fucking scared. So fucking scared...."


This is true bravery. Admitting being scared and fighting everything she can.
I'm sorry if this makes you uncomfortable me posting this, if it does tell me i'll take it down. but wow girl. wow.

ASDF What do i call this?

Um, so today i had a sweet, 1/3 of a pitta, some fruit cocktail and a breakfast bar. My total is 200 cals. Terrific. I would really like to half that. I feel so fucking obese. Like i'm actually trapped in this body. Please free me someone? Desperat housewives time. peace out.

Bitch.

You are a fucking bitch. You cannot do anything right, you mess everything up you know. You reckon you have " friends"? Well they don't know the real you. The mask will slip soon. And then you will end up alone. AS ALWAYS. You're so fucking fat, it is actually unreal, you have no willpower, you're kinda pathetic, you should really do something about it.
Who's this i'm talking about?



me.

:'(

I have just had a major row, on fucking facebook. urghh.
I am absolutely fuming.
I just want to cry, i want the world to swallow me up, slit my wrists and fucking kill me.
I actually hate my life, i don't do good, i'm pointless. I don't actually do anything seriously, the whole everything has a purpose theory figures. I have no purpose i am nothing.

Today i fucked up big style with my eating. Fucking terrific. I mean. read this and think i am an attention seeker, cool. I'm not, people say i am, but this is a blog to talk about how i'm feeling and this is how i am feeling. Don't like it don't fucking read it. Kaii.
Tonight i think i am simply going to sit and cry. Yes, another night of crying myself to sleep.
Yupp attention seeker. got it in one. Yupp my "fake suicide attmpt" is so fucking funny, mom didn't find it that funny.  And it was a serius one thanks, i did it because i wanted to die, not get your attention. YOUR attention means fuck all, i mean if you hit puberty it might count. PEACE OUT.

I feel awful.

Today i have had 297 calories, burnt some off but till.
I've had a bath and i have home tutoring at 11:45 best get walking soon LOL.
Then i'm going to go and visit my lovely gorgeous great nanny!
I'm outting some low cal soup in my bag along with diet coke to take along, gah gotta do my hair, makeup and pee. Then i am off. I would really like another blog to follow. Hmmm.

Sorry

I'm Sorry i'm not good enough for the people of today.
I'm Sorry it's wrong whatever i say.
I'm sorry i hurt people and cause misery.
I'm sorry i get angry when you try to help me.
I'm on a mission to self destroy.
A mission of hatred i will enjoy.
I'm sorry you're caught mid crossfire.
I'm sorry but food i do not require.
I'm sorry these feelings have taken over me,
I'm sorry, i'm sorry, Sincerely Emily.

Things that piss me off.

1 - Old people, not the cute ones that you natter to on the bus, the fucking annoying ones who think they are 20 year old badasses running people over at 40mph on their fucking mobility scooters.

2 - When you think you know someone but then they let you down and you find out you are completely wrong.

3 - People judging others, when the thing they are judging falls back as completely contradictory.

4 - People who take no self pride, stuff their fat fucking faces and then complain they are fat.ou, they fj

5 - Homophobia. Enough said.

6 -  When people don't want to get to know you they just want to fuck you.

7 -  Backstabbers.

8 -  When food has no calorie information.

9 - When people lecture you.

10 - People pretending theat they understand when the truth is they have no fucking idea.

Pointless, but a distraction.

1. taken a picture naked? yes
2. painted your room? yes
3. made out with a member of the same sex? yes
4. drove a car? yes
5. danced in front of your mirror? yes
6. have a crush? yes
7. been on tv? yes
8. stole money from a friend? yes
9. gotten in the car with people you didnt know? yes
10. been in a fist fight? yes
11. had feelings for someone who didn’t have them back? yes
12. had feelings for a friend? yes
14. made out with a stranger? yes
15. met up with a member of the opposite sex somewhere? yes
16. left your house with out telling your parents? yes
17. had a crush on your neighbor? yes
18. ditched school to do something more fun? yes
19. slept (not had sex) in a bed with a member of the same sex? yes
20. seen someone die?no
21. been on a plane? yes
22. kissed a picture? yes
23. slept in until 3? yes
24. miss someone right now? yes
25. laid on your back and watched cloud shapes go by? yes
26. made a snow angel? yes
27. played dress up? yes
28. cheated while playing a game? yes
29. been lonely? yes
30. fallen asleep at work/school? yes
31. been to a bar?yes
32. felt an earthquake? yes
33. touched a snake? yes
34. ran a red light? yes
35. been suspended from school? yes
36. had detention?  yes
37. been in a car accident that you didnt cause? yes
38. hated the way you look? yes
39. witnessed a crime? yes
39. been the person doing the crime?yes
40. pole danced?yes
41. been lost? yes
42. been to the opposite side of the country? yes
43. felt so sick you thought you might die? yes
44. cried yourself to sleep?yes
46. sang karaoke? yes
47. done something you told yourself you wouldn’t? yes
48. laughed until something you were drinking came out your nose? yes
49. caught a snowflake on your tongue? yes
50. kissed in the rain? yes
51. sang in the shower?yes
52. had sex in a park?yes
53. had a dream where you were married? yes
54. glued your hand to something? yes -_-
55. got your tongue stuck to a flag pole?no
56. ever gone to school partially naked? yes
57. been a cheerleader? yes
58. sat on a roof top? yes
59. didn’t take a shower for a week? yes
60. ever too scared to watch scary movies alone? yes
61. played chicken? yes
62. been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on? yes
64. broken a bone? yes
65. been easily amused?  yes
66. laughed so hard you cried? yes
67. mooned/flashed someone? yes
68. cheated on a test? yes
69: forgotten someones name? yes
70. slept naked? yes
71. gone skinny dipping? yes
73. blacked out from drinking? yes
74. played a prank on someone?yes
75. gone to a late night movie? yes
76. made love to anything not human? no!!!
77. failed a class? yes
78. choked on something you’re not supposed to eat? yes
79. played an instrument for more than 10 hours in total?yes
80. been cheated on? yes
81. did you celebrate the 4th of July? yes
82. thrown strange objects? yes
83. felt like killing someone? yes
84. felt like running away?yes
86. did drugs? yes
87. had detention and not attend it? yes
89. made a parent cry?yes
90. cried about someone? yes
91. had sex with more than one person in a 24 hour period? no
92. dated someone you didn’t even like? yes
93. had/have a dog? yes
95. own an instrument? yes
96. been in band? yes
97. drank 25 sodas in a day?no
98. broken a CD?yes
99. shot a gun? yes
100. had feelings for one of your best friends? yes

Fucking urgh.

Right, i'm adding a lot more things to my restricted list i think.
Make life even easier.
And i bought a cross trainer, mhmmm, my new hobby.
Clothes show tomorrow, i bought some fucking amazing shoes. - New scales next ;D.
I feel so useless i just want to go out, have had a bad day today, i just want to scream.
Nothing ever seems to go my way, ever. We put the christmas tree up, urgh turned into arguements as per.

My favourite song

That i would be good by alanis morisette.
It is truly amazing, it just has so much feeling in it.
I seem to cry a lot of the time when i listen to it, it's kind of comforting though, it makes me want to be thin.

Internet

Gah!
At my house i cannot get the internet, works for everyone else though! -_-.
I'm at my nans house atm, so i'm whoring her internet tehe. Not that she minds, had too take my comp on the fucking bus!
What a knob did i look ^-^.
Today i have eaten 160 calories. - Not too bad, having a mediocre day, gonna have a go on my new cross trainer tonight, or so i'm thinking. :)
I might invite my best friend to sleepover, so we can go to the movies or something? Yeah, think i will.
Anyhow, i'm off.

Day one

My best friend.
I have several best friends.
Alice
She has been there for me since day one, well, the last 5 years, we have been through so much together but at times she really can be very irritating. She steals my other friends and stabs me in the back but we have been through so much it seems a shame to throw it all away.
Bex
WOW. Bex has been my bestest friend since we were about, 5?
She has such a hard time, nobody gives her a break and i would honestly trust her with my life, we are so different yet so similar. She doesn't care what people think and she is amazing, would't harm a fly!
Jesse
Jesse is one of my newest friends but she is bloody wonderful! She solves all my problems, cheers me up, encourages me and helps me talk things through, she is so caring and truly has everyone else in mind
.
I love my best friends, so so much.

Blogging.

Day 1: Write about your best friend
Day 2: Post your favorite song and write why you like it
Day 3: Your top 10 pet peeves
Day 4: What was the last movie you watched, write about it
Day 5: Someone you would switch lives with for a day and why
Day 6: A picture that makes you happy
Day 7: If you were stranded on an Island, who would be with you and which limited 10 items would you two have?
Day 8: Describe your perfect date
Day 9: A picture of you when you were still young. (ex. 2,3,4 etc.)
Day 10: Write the differences between you and your best friend
Day 11: Write a letter to your loved one (ex. crush, boyfriend etc.)
Day 12: What got you into this challenge?
Day 13: A picture of what you wore today
Day 14: A silly picture of you/ you & your friends
Day 15: Create an outfit at http://www.polyvore.com/cgi/app and printscreen it!
Day 16: A picture of your cellphone/iPod/camera. ** Or altogether!
Day 17: Last post you made on Tumblr that doesn’t involve a challenge?
Day 18: Write a letter to your followers
Day 19: A video you would usually watch on Youtube
Day 20: What did you eat today? Picture if you want*
Day 21: What do you look for in a guy/girl?
Day 22: A picture of what you wore today
Day 23: Post up all the sites you use. (ex. your Twitter link, Facebook, Formspring etc.)
Day 24: When you look outside step outside your front door of the house, what do you see? picture if you like **
Day 25: Recommend a few Tumblr’s and write why you recommended them.
Day 26: Your favorite quote
Day 27: Something that inspires you
Day 28: Write a letter to someone you’ve never talked to in a long time
Day 29: Things you’re looking forward to next week -month
Day 30: Create a collage of your pictures you take in 1 day and post them up.